Yikes, my (former) barriers taught me a lot about myself

I used to have what I thought were boundaries, which I thought were protecting me, stopping me from shaming myself and stopping me from taking too much on.

In reality these were not boundaries, they were barriers.

They were not protecting me, they were isolating me from others and from my true self.

Boundaries define where we end and the rest of the world begins, they define our roles in relationships, they define what behaviour is acceptable, they define how we can support our development and positive habits. Boundaries come from a place of love and respect, they focus on improving connections, behaviours and ourselves.

This is not what I was doing.

I was building barriers, from a place of fear and defensiveness. I didn’t trust the person I was, I didn’t think I was worthy in my own right, and so I didn’t trust myself to trust anyone else either. Most of my barriers were to keep people away. At the time I was struggling with anxiety and I didn’t want to let anyone in, I didn’t want them to see my vulnerabilities.

What I needed, and eventually realised, was to embrace meaningful connections and to understand and celebrate my authentic self. Healthy boundaries, not barriers would then support me, my relationships and my values.

Does any of this resonate with you?

Do you sometimes find yourself unwilling to compromise? Do you avoid people getting too close, perhaps with jokes, or excuses?

Do you know how to recognise if you have boundaries or barriers in place?

You could take some time to consider the below questions when exploring your boundaries / barriers:

• What is your intention?

  • Is your intention positive; to develop? Or is your intention to defend or avoid?

• How does this affect the relationship?

• What impact is this having on your future development?

• How does this align with your inner values?

Sometimes barriers are necessary, if a relationship is toxic, if a person causes harm to you, that being said my first step is to look to curiosity, empathy and growth through increased self awareness, deep connections and healthy boundaries.

If you’d like to discuss this more, please get in touch, coaching is a great way to explore your inner values, increase your self awareness and build positive habits for your future development.