Book Review: Getting to Yes with Yourself (William Ury: 2015)

William Ury is co-author of “Getting to Yes” as well as other notable negotiation texts, and is a renowned negotiator and teacher of negotiation.

This book is a prequel to his other work as, like Ury says, how the hell can you get to yes with others if we don’t know what we actually want??

Discussing both personal and professional examples Ury guides readers to find inner contentment and purpose thus leading to happier relationships and more productive lives. Ury is a world renowned commercial and financial negotiator and it is through his experience of training tens of thousands of people that our biggest opponent is actually the one that faces us in the mirror each morning. But if we learn to manage this opponent and stop the tricks we play on ourselves we can unlock so many more opportunities within ourselves and with others.

How do we do this? Ury presents us with a 6 stage plan with techniques and examples for each stage. We have all heard the importance of “putting yourself in someone else’s shoes” and while this is an important aspect of negotiation Ury states that we must first understand our own position and work through those feelings. What do we truly want and why? How will we achieve that and if not possible what’s our best alternative, or the point at which we walk away? Once we understand some of our thoughts and have tapped into those self limiting beliefs Ury teaches us to reframe and to stay true to our values, leading with introspection, respect and self confidence. Ury stresses the importance of managing our emotions and the other means by which we sabotage ourselves in all negotiations in life, both personal and professional. He also highlights the value of always being on the side of the opponent, which includes yourself, this will always give you the best chance of achieving a successful outcome.

My thoughts on this book?

It’s an easy read with practical tips for readers to explore their own thoughts and overcome internal obstacles. I could relate to much of the content and see ways in which I have sabotaged myself (and continue to do so!) by not knowing what my true objectives are, by being unable or unwilling to voice them and simply letting my emotions or imposter thoughts stand in my way. I also particularly enjoyed the personal aspect to this book, with stories of his family, the strength of his wife and daughter, and the lessons he learns from them.

Possibly due to other books I have read I didn’t find the content ground-breaking, this was, for the most part, ideas I have seen before using other words. I would say however it was a helpful and quick refresh to boost my mindset.

I would recommend this book to those looking for a simple way to improve self negotiation as well as negotiation with other “worthy” opponents. The techniques are easy to implement and it pushes you to explore inner thoughts, it’s a good complement to Getting to Yes. If, however, you have done considerable internal work you may decide to skim read.

Have you read this book? Or any of the other books by Ury? What are your thoughts?