If you’re not asking for feedback, here’s why you should….
This is me smiling outside the Etihad football stadium in Manchester after completing the feedback talk.
This last couple of weeks I have been delivering leadership training on feedback, including at the Etihad - eek!
I’ve also seen plenty of articles covering feedback on social media recently, with Daniel Pink even saying we should ditch asking for feedback for advice instead. I disagree.
While feedback is difficult and unnatural, it is so important. I don’t agree with opting to ask for advice just because it’s easier. Advice giving takes away your agency. Plus who knows what is best for you better than you?
So why ask for feedback?
Well, here’s just a few reasons:
Studies show that the most impactful type of feedback is the specific feedback we ask for ourselves. It tends to be areas we want to improve and are interested in so leads to greater impact.
It helps us to correct quickly
It opens up potential new opportunities through a conversation with a colleague, leader or even friend that wouldn’t have happened otherwise. Who knows what ideas this could bring?
It puts you in the driving seat. You have control.
It halts overthinking. So often I hear people share worries that they’re not doing well enough, that their boss doesn’t appreciate them etc etc. But these are unknown worries that can easily escalate if we allow them to. By seeking feedback we have evidence to stop these thoughts in their track and either celebrate ourselves or fix and build.
But Chloe, it’s awkward, help!
I get it, it’s a vulnerable situation. What if it goes wrong? What if they say something negative?
Firstly - if it goes wrong, you can totally handle this. Have you not handled difficult things before?
Next, try to reframe what this idea of wrong is in your head. If they say something negative, can you consider this with a growth mindset - as a way to improve? Can you be curious and ask for more information? If you get nervous and lose your way, remember this happens to everyone, (I used to stutter and shake) and it’s OK.
Here’s some more tips for you:
Take some time to prepare yourself. This might mean some mindful breaths, it might mean making a script. Preparing some questions, and organising specific time will help the conversation to be impactful.
Think the 3 S’s; Short, Simple, Specific to focus your communication.
Be prepared to give 2 way feedback. It’s good to do some self reflection and also have some thoughts on your relationship and the other person too.
Take notes so you can take action and follow up with a specific thank you.
Thank them and smile - this writes it back into our memory as a positive experience and encourages us to push ourselves out of our comfort zone again.
So when will you ask for feedback? Who will you ask? What will be the specific area you focus on?
Give it a try and let me know how you get on. Need more tips or a model to give or receive feedback? Drop me an email.
