And I really don’t recommend it either!

I’m going to be honest, this is a lesson that took me too long to understand and something I continue to struggle with. I have to constantly check in with myself; what am I trying to achieve? What could support look like for me here?

Do you also have an urge to do everything yourself? Do you avoid asking others for help? Do you ever take a moment to consider what this means and how it is impacting on you?

I’m going to try and break down what I think might be going on with me and perhaps this might help you too:

Warning: this is an absolute stream of consciousness so it could get messy :D

• As an only daughter with three brothers I never really felt I knew what my place was. I think this, from a very early age, pushed me towards being highly independent.

• Understanding more about Transactional Analysis I know one of my key drivers is “Be Strong” (the others are “Hurry Up”, “Be Perfect”, “Try Hard” and “Please Others”). I even include strength in my personal affirmations and mission statement both physical and mental strength. And in my brain I (wrongly) equate asking for help as weakness.

• I think I have often been praised for doing things alone and getting things done (I may just remember praises off this nature - look up confirmation bias) and so have naturally done more of this.

• My imposter voices tend to be “Soloist” and “Superwoman”. I will do more and I will do it alone. They are helpful reminders when I am finding things tough and questioning myself.

• My divorce and separation a few years ago doubled down on these thoughts. I learnt how to do more and more things by myself and I took pride in this. This was highlighted recently on a camping trip with friends. My friend commented how

• As per above but replace divorce with setting up my own business. I’m doing this on my own, right? I’m a sole trader…oof

• I have no doubt there is more but this will do for now! Does any of this resonate with you?

I realise that it is about finding the right balance, taking pride in what I can achieve but also knowing that having support around me is key for my wellbeing, happiness and “success”.

So what helps with this?:

• Regularly checking in with yourself, particularly when things feel a little stressful. Are you taking too much on? What story are you telling yourself here?

• Reframing “asking for help”:

  • Here’s a question for you, do you like helping others? I’m pretty sure you do, because most people do, that’s why there are so many people pleasers out there.

  • Therefore do you think it is possible that others like helping you too?

• Weigh up the costs and benefits of asking for help:

  • Costs - it might feel awkward, your inner voice might be telling you you’re a failure

  • Benefits - so many!! you might get the job done, you might make a friend, you might learn something, you might not burn out.

• Build your network. This is so key as a leader and business owner. We need others to share ideas with and understand we all share similar challenges. It is also great for celebrating yourself! I am so appreciative of the network of coaches I am part of in Sheffield, they remind me of the importance of a great team.

• Start in a no pressure environment. For me this was as simple as asking someone for help in a shop, I used to avoid this and spend ages trying to find something myself or leave frustrated. What does

• Thank people, and yourself. This makes the experience of seeking help much more enjoyable.

• Try something completely new, we have to lean on others here

• Why not try talking to a coach? A coach can support and challenge you in new ways.

• Build from there and realise that we are surrounded by helpful resources including people.

Does any of this hit home for you? Send me an email chloe@viacourses.co.uk, I’d love to explore this with you

PS if you would like to understand more about Imposter Syndrome I have a video masterclass and workbook. You can sign up here.