Are you an overthinker? Do you often feel like you can’t switch the thoughts off? Particularly when you are trying to get some downtime or relax?

You’re not alone, much of the population spend a lot of their time ruminating (I cannot say this word without imagining a cow) and it isn’t restricted to a specific age, gender or situation in life.

Some people overthink constantly; they find it difficult to make any kind of decision without analysing all potential outcomes; they replay events from the past considering what they could have done better, and they worry about the future, so much potential to go wrong. Others overthink a specific event where there may be a lot of pressure involved.

There are a number of reasons why people may overthink. It could be a learned behaviour from childhood. It could be a trauma response. It could be linked to stress or anxiety. It could be due to low self esteem. It could also be related to all of our basic needs to be appreciated, and our innates fears of failure and rejection encouraging us to people please and offer perfection.

While consideration and planning can be good, when we do this too much it can become damaging causing us to burn out, causing “analysis paralysis” and impacting on our wellbeing, growth and relationships.

I can’t remember when I didn’t have some sort of issue with overthinking. I think for me it is a mixture of people pleasing and being in control, likely caused by a pretty low self esteem. As I worked on my self esteem and connected with what was important to me and build habits around this my overthinking reduced MASSIVELY.

Here are some tips to help:

• Ditch the should. While thought to have a motivating effect using should statements more often than not actually encourages shame, guilt and self-criticism. This is because, especially as overthinkers, the expectations we set ourselves for future and past experiences are unrealistic. Have you ever noticed this when using should? Instead use “I will” for motivation and commitment when you intend to do something, and if you’re not so sure “I could” which is hopeful, rather than shameful.

• Challenge your thoughts. Have you ever tried to challenge yourself when overthinking? This can stop those thoughts from escalating and bringing worry. Some good ways to challenge include:

  • Is this true? More often than not when overthinking we re-imagine scenarios more negatively, imagining we messed up or people don’t like us, when in reality this is not true. Question yourself and look for evident to counteract the worry.

  • Will this matter in 5 years? Regularly overthinking creates problems that were never there in the first place which then get bigger and bigger…. there is a saying “if it won’t matter in 5 years, don’t spend more than 5 minutes thinking about it”. Consider this next time your brain starts overthinking.

  • What if? Overthinking can lead to catastrophising, making situations much worse than they need to be. A good way to challenge your thoughts is to work through every What If? your brain throws at you…. you’ll soon realise that the catastrophes you have created are highly unlikely.

• Set boundaries with yourself about how long or when you are allowed to worry / overthink. If a worry comes into your mind tell yourself you can only worry about this for 2 minutes (or 5- that’s up to you), then you have to stop overthinking. Or designate yourself a “Worry time”, say 6 o’clock at night is your designated 15minute worry time, if any worries come in to your head outside of this time, put them to one side until 6pm arrives… by which time your thoughts have probably reduced.

• Get your pen and paper out and write those thoughts down. This often helps as part of a morning or evening routine to clear your mind so you can gain focus or allow yourself to relax. It can also be helpful to keep a notebook with you (or yes I suppose notes on your phone, or video notes would work too) to write down thoughts that come to you, including in the middle of the night. As David Allen, author of “Getting Things Done” said, “your brain is great for having ideas, not storing them.”

• Be more mindful. Practicing mindfulness, whether formally with yoga or meditation, or informally by simply raising our awareness and curiosity, encourages us to be more present in the current moment. This comfort in the present reduces our focus on worrying about the future and ruminating (cow) about the past.

• Show some appreciation by practicing gratitude. Taking some moments each day or each week to reflect on what you are grateful for increases your self esteem and increases your appreciation for where you are in life. This reduces unrealistic expectations you have on yourself, as well as your need to control every potential circumstance. This can be a really simple task, you can even do it while brushing your teeth in the morning, that can have a big impact on self confidence.

• Take imperfect action. The best way to stop overthinking is to take action on that thought. This could be talking to someone about your feelings, it could be making a decision on a project, it could be writing the first sentence of your assignment. Once you start taking action not only does the worrying disappear it also creates momentum and tells your brain that you are capable of acting so you will feel more inclined to do so next time.

I’d love to know if any of this resonates with you and which of the tips works for you. Remember we are all unique so what works for someone else, may not work for you. take your time and listen to your intuition.

Also please remember to be compassionate with yourself, any change takes time, and we all stumble. The great thing is the next time we start again with more knowledge and better tools.

If you want to discuss any of this in more details my emails and messages on Instagram / Linkedin are always open.